wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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