so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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