It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
