so explain again why im purple
no
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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