but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
