I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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