You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
