He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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