His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
