I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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