Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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