And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
pop tarts are not kleenex
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
