other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
