Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
