Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
