she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
