well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
