Tell her she can't have a vagina
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
