Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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