defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
