i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
