Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
