How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
