i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
