Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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