Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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