FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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