Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
