So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
