Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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