i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
