oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
