The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
