do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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