Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
