Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
