i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
