My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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