Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
