Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
