Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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