I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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