beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
