You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
