she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
