I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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