Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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