why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
