Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
