puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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