i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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