Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize