my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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