she woke up with a sticky ear
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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