Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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