That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Randomize
