You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
