i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sorry about my life...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
