I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
