Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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