when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
