it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
