i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
These tits shall not be calmed
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
