I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize
