i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
