No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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