girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize