Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize