her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Randomize
