How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I need a beard to bite.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
